Out of the ashes

I have missed 2 days of posting because I was in Mesquite helping my Grandmother move down there for the winter. No computer and my fancy, cool phone decided to be a goober and not cooperate with posting. So I have some catching up to do.

January 3rd.
Woke up early to go over to Grammy's and pack boxes and computers and TV's into our cars. I was exhausted, and the grace and goodness of a dear friend came to the rescue. He came and helped and we got everything packed and actually had a good time doing it!

I was worried I wouldn't get to see my girls, AJ was with Tony and Bonnie up in Bear Lake sledding. Jess and Hayd were taking their dad to the airport, so I felt very melancholy. I had to stop at the house before we left and the girls pulled up right before I got in my car. I felt my spirits rise immediately, when I saw their smiling little faces. We were able to say a prayer, and Jess saw something in my face, and asked if I felt good about going. It made me stop and pause, because I think she has inherited my intuition, but I realized I just felt sad, remarkably sad that morning.
As we drove through Orem, I started sobbing and could not stop, and then I realized, what the memory of the body hots the memory of the mind. One year ago on this day was the day I busried my husband, and one of THE most painful things I will ever do in my lifetime. And I just let it go, I cried for all the times I missed him, all of the time I am going to miss him, and every memory we made and every memory I will have to make without him. My last first, the one that I wasn't planning for.
The rest of the drive was good, excellent weather, fairly good time. The car wash in St. George made me giggle at Grammy, she wanted her car clean to park in her new garage, oh and mine too! We got to her new house around 5 and unloaded both cars, and it amazes me how unloading goes so much better than the loading.. ALWAYS!!! She wanted to put her things away, and was tired, and I had been asked to spend some time with a gentleman I have been getting to know through email and chatting and text for the last few months. Grammy told me to go an meet him and have fun.

The 3rd date.
ha, I just noticed I had the 3rd date on the 3rd day.
Paul. Tall, dark and handsome. Yep.. Gorgeous blue eyes. Had a blast, laughed and giggled and snuggled a bit. And the oddest thing happened.. I realized I am really good on my own. Alone.
Don't get me wrong, I like Paul, enjoyed his company, would like to get to know him better, and all of that, but I am really happy with "just me".
For all of the power dating I have done over the last 6 month in a sad attempt to mask all of the pain I have been in, I am A-ok, with ME... No male accoutrement.

"just me" makes me happy.