It has been a long, very long time since I have sat down and written anything, let alone my feelings and the things that have happened in the last 2 years. As I continue to post, I will elaborate on the things that have happened and the fears I have developed and the hurdles I have overcome, but in order to catch up, I will give a synopses for each of the last 2 years.
Condensed version of 2010
January- I moved Grammy to Mesquite and met Paul. Matthew would have been 42. I went to visit Krissy in New Mexico, had a blast!!
February- Paul and I seem to be commuting back and forth and realizing we have a great connection. My 38th birthday.. Of course my family had a glorious celebration.
March- (Forgive me, because I get fuzzy with details of some things)
Took the girls and my Mom and I went to Grammy's to spend Easter. Enjoyed the warm weather and time playing in the pool. Week vacation in Las Vegas, half with Grandma's.
April- Jess turns 18. AJ (Matt's son) decides to go live with his brother Tony and his wife.
Spring starts to peer over the snow capped mountains. I begin grief counseling again.
May- Jess graduates from high school. I am a mess, but busy myself with Senior pictures and planning her dinner after the ceremony. I emancipate myself from my ex- husband.
June- Graduation trip with Jess. 2 days in Disneyland, then a 5 day Carnival cruise with 15 of her friends. Really fun times!!
July- Huge 4th of July family get together.
August- Getting ready for Junior year for Hayden and getting Jess moved up to her new apartment at USU. Very strange.. My family keeps getting smaller. Matt is gone, the boys are gone and now Jess has moved away to school.. Yes it is only an hour away, but feels like forever. We also celebrated Grammy's birthday, and Paul got called away on a fire.. UGH!! Good month, difficult month.
September- School starts. Grammy has decided to move to Mesquite permanently. Staying in the house with winter coming.. Seems unbearable. Weekly visits with Maurice help, and he begins to talk about thinking outside the box, and maybe looking at spending a few months in Saint George during the winter. My mom suggests having Hayden stay with her under a contract.
October- Imagine my surprise when I get an email via Facebook from my step mother, telling me I have an older brother that is looking for me, Um.. What? So I tell her to yes give him my info and he and I spent the next few weeks talking and getting to know one another. A real blessing.
November- Ugh.. The holidays again.. All in all I think they were good.. One of the things I get fuzzy about..
December- A very hard month indeed. Christmas Eve was spectacular, we went to see the matinee of "White Christmas", then Grammy took us to dinner at Rodizio. It made the day a day to remember and not one filled with pain any longer. We decided to have Christmas morning at my house, and then Breakfast at my mom's. Quiet, the original 5 but a very good day. The rest of December was the usual holiday blur..
As you can see the year was a busy one. One that upon introspect, made me a little braver and a little more frightened of the future. I DO know, that I have a fantastic family, I am truly gifted in that respect. I also know that this year was a gateway into a year that would prove to be incredibly difficult for me. The coming months would bring great elations, fond memories and terrifying discoveries. The good news is that I survived, and am here to blog about the things and the people I love and adore. I love you.
Mom- For being my rock and always telling me that you love me even when you disagree with my decisions. For being my guru, my best friend and standing tall and showing all of us how a true woman stands with grace.
Grammy- For being cheerful and wise, and knowing the right things to say and when to say them and for always making everything find that red colored splash of joy it needs.
Jess- For the day that you looked at me with your baby face and let me fall in love with you and know what true love is and will always be. For helping me see the strength and the courage when I couldn't see anything.
Hayden- For the day you were put into my arms and looked at me with those curious eyes and helped me see that love is in everyone, and you can love one just as fiercely as another. For showing me talents and strength and creativity. Hayden you have one of the most calming, loving spirits of any human being I know. Thank you for always being my voice of reason.
Both of my girls have been the life force that has seen me though some of my darker times and shown me what grace truly is when coming into the difficult part of life known as womanhood.
Paul- You came into a very difficult situation with a woman who was broken and found the light in her and continue on a daily basis to not only see her light but help her see it is well. You have given me a safe place to grieve and a calm place to fall. You are also bestowing me with a bright future, and one I am more than happy to grab hold of your hand and run into together.